Metro is soooo dependable!

New Washington, DC metro ads are hilarious! Metro is dependable! Why?

– Because it has smarttrip:

Dude! Metro only got smart trip cards few years ago. Everywhere else than DC Metro area had this for at least ten years! Hellloooo??? That makes it very dependable!

– Because it is accessible:

If you want a commuter service that works and if you want people to use it, it MUST be accessible. How can anybody use anything when they cannot access it? That`s why Metro is very very very dependable.

– Because it has visual signs that shows the train coming:

Wow! That is one important thing! Those blinking lights on the ground with every bulb different than the other, and the visual display on every terminal that displays more security concerns than the train traffic… Also the train information is available when you are physically at the track platform. What about putting some info BEFORE getting on the platform? Just to let people know: Sorry we have delays… Currently we are experiencing security problems… Nevermind that`s only a mini trash fire…

(Anybody remembers Rosslyn train station trash FIIIRREEE? I had to literally walk from farragut West station to Dupont Circle and take the blue bus between dupont and rosslyn. That trip took 45 mins! Why? because of a trash fire in Rosslyn station Farragut West AND Foggy Bottom stations were shut down! Very dependable…)

Oh! If you realize that there is a problem when you are “on the platform” and if you decide to get out and have a coffee for waiting problem to be resolved, you pay the shortest distance fee. That makes the definition of the short distance as a walk in the same station and back . It is very simple… If the boarding station AND the quitting station are equal => FEE=0. Add a time parameter if you think that people might use the metro just for taking few trains, never getting out from another station and coming back to the same station they boarded… It comes to:
If the boarding station AND the quitting station are equal AND the trip time < 10 mins (for example) => FEE=0

– Metro has a Police Unit:

I feel myself very safe… They do a great job… But…

October 2004: A pregnant woman forced to the ground by a Metro Transit Police (MTP) for resisting arrest. Why? Cause she was talking loud on her cellphone and cursing… Wow! I feel safe… I won`t hear cursing in the metro. Very cool! What about a police officer for each citizen? When the citizen curses the officer should scream a loud BEEEP. So we will not hear cursing. I should write this to the MTP.

July 16 2004: MTP handcuffs a woman who was eating a candy bar on a subway station! I feel safe again. Now my teeth and the teeth of the other people using metro are very safe! MTP protects us against the baad baad sugar that eats our teeth! U eat in the station u get handcuffed. New dietary solution from the Metro officials! YAY!

Year 2000: a 12 year old girl was arrested for eating frech fries on a subway platform!!!! No @#!#@@#$ comment. (You didn`t hear the curses cause the officer just beeped next to me…)

Oh it is soo pathetic I cannot continue anymore…

Note: For the arrest records check out Today`s (10/22/04) Washington Post Express page 8. (It`s a PDF file). (thanks Sleepless for pointing me out how to link to a certain PDF page)